inspiring joy filled living
You Can
March 9, 2026
How borrowed belief builds courage, confidence & strength.
Sometimes courage doesn’t begin with certainty — it begins when someone says, you can.
A few months ago my middle daughter joined a new softball team. Sitting in the stands, I met one of the sweetest, most kind and generous women I have ever met. She clearly loved the game and had a tremendous amount of knowledge that only subtly slipped out while we chatted and cheered our girls on. It didn’t take long for this mom to “graduate” from the stands to being down on the field as one of the coaches. Her passion and perspective were evident; it was obvious that she was more than just a mom with a handful of sports experiences under her belt.
The more I got to know her, the more the stories came tumbling — humbly! — out. She played softball all throughout her schooling years, including pitching for UCLA and conquering the beast of winning a National Championship. Her repertoire also includes playing overseas, coaching, and overall being an incredible mama. What is wild is that only by peeking behind the curtain would you ever know her accomplishments, because she leads with grace and humility in the most unassuming and beautiful way. She epitomizes what it means to lead by example.
Sitting in the stands, I began to notice a phrase she would call out to the kids while they were batting or pitching. As tensions rise — especially with an 0–2 count, when a batter is teetering on a third strike — the nerves can start to take over. Or when a pitcher feels the weight of bases loaded and the top of the lineup is walking up to the plate.
Two words would break the momentum of the moment.
Two small words that interrupted fear and replaced it with courage.
You can.
Hearing our coach call out those words brought a visible strength to our girl in the batter’s box. With two strikes against her, she faced the pitcher with a new kind of resolve — a mental toughness that said, “You’re in trouble because I’m here.” And wouldn’t you know, a beautiful fastball rocketed right over the plate only to meet the bat with that unmistakable crack, sending a shot into the gap between right and center, driving in two runs and landing the batter safely at second.
Maybe I remember it with such clarity because it was my daughter standing in the batter’s box that day. She went on to lead the team in 2 out RBIs. I will forever be grateful for this incredible woman for pouring such confidence into my girl.
Why Two Words Matter
Over the last few months, I’ve found myself exploring what happens when we hear those two words — You can.
What do they awaken in us?
What shifts when someone speaks belief out loud?
Sometimes the simplest words of encouragement carry more power than we realize.
You might be wondering why two simple words can feel so powerful in a high-pressure moment.
There’s actually science behind it.
The Science of Self-Efficacy
Psychologist Albert Bandura called this idea self-efficacy — the belief that we are capable of handling what’s in front of us.
It’s not about being fearless or having everything figured out.
It’s about believing we can take the next step, even when we feel unsure.
Bandura discovered that this belief grows in a few powerful ways:
Through small wins — when we try something and realize we didn’t fall apart.
Through watching others — seeing someone like us succeed helps our brain believe it’s possible.
Through encouraging words — when someone says “you can,” it gives us permission to try before we fully believe.
And through emotional support — when we feel calm and seen, we’re more willing to step forward.
That’s why those two words matter so much.
They don’t just motivate us in the moment — they help build the belief that we are capable of more than fear tells us.
Research shows that when someone we trust expresses confidence in us, our brain interprets that as evidence that success is possible. That belief alone can change how we perform under pressure.
In other words, when someone says you can, it doesn’t just sound encouraging.
It helps shift our brain from threat mode into possibility.
And possibility creates space for courage.
Training the Brain: Neuroplasticity
What’s powerful is that this isn’t just about mindset — it’s about how the brain actually learns.
Self-efficacy explains why belief from others can spark courage in the moment. Neuroplasticity shows us why those moments matter over time. The thoughts we repeat and the words we hear begin to shape the pathways our brain relies on when pressure rises.
Encouragement isn’t just emotional support.
It’s training.
Our brains are constantly reshaping themselves — a process called neuroplasticity. When we intentionally practice more hopeful or encouraging thoughts, new neural pathways begin to form. Over time, those pathways make belief feel more natural instead of forced.
Olympic freestyle skier Eileen Gu has talked about how she trains her thoughts during high-pressure moments, choosing focus and belief instead of spiraling into doubt. She describes it almost like strengthening a muscle — the more you guide your thinking intentionally, the more your brain learns where to go under stress.
This doesn’t mean we ignore hard emotions or pretend life is always easy. But it does mean we can gently redirect our internal voice — again and again — until encouragement becomes familiar.
Maybe that’s why the words you can carry so much weight.
They don’t just change a moment.
They help shape the way our brain learns to respond to challenge.
And slowly, with repetition, belief stops feeling borrowed… and starts feeling built.
The You Can Theory
What if confidence isn’t always something we build alone?
What if, sometimes, we borrow belief before we fully own it?
I’ve started calling this the You Can Theory — the idea that words of possibility, spoken consistently and authentically, become catalysts for courage, strength, and forward motion.
It isn’t about hype or pressure.
It’s about permission.
Permission to try.
Permission to begin again.
Permission to believe there might be more inside of us than we can currently see.
Because when someone says “you can,” something subtle happens. Our brain starts looking for evidence that it might be true. Our posture shifts. Our breathing steadies. Our focus moves from fear to possibility.
Neuroscience tells us that our brains are constantly predicting outcomes based on past experiences and the voices we hear most often. Encouraging language can interrupt negative prediction loops — the internal stories that say I can’t, I’m not good enough, or this won’t work.
Studies in performance psychology have shown that supportive coaching cues increase focus, resilience, and persistence — especially in high-stress environments like sports, learning, and leadership.
For a while, we may carry someone else’s belief.
But with repetition, it becomes internal — a new voice we carry forward.
Belief becomes action.
Action becomes evidence.
And evidence becomes confidence.
In very simple terms: you can = courage in action.
Speaking “You Can” Into Others
Watching our coach on the field, I realized something powerful: she wasn’t just coaching mechanics — she was shaping mindset.
“You can” wasn’t shouted as pressure.
It was offered as belief.
There’s a difference.
Pressure says, prove yourself.
Belief says, I already see something in you.
Imagine what could change if we spoke those words more intentionally:
To a kiddo trying something new.
To a friend walking through a hard season.
To a spouse chasing a dream that feels fragile.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give another person is the courage they didn’t yet know they had.
Saying “You Can” to Yourself
Here’s where the theory turns inward.
It’s easy to cheer from the sidelines for others.
It’s harder to look at our own reflection and offer the same steady belief.
Not loud affirmations.
Not forced positivity.
Just a quiet, grounded reminder:
You can start today.
You can be insanely brave for 30 seconds and make the phone call, eat the veggies, read the book, have the talk, let the tears out, trust your gut, say heck no, change course, or even lay down and rest.
You can love yourself right now, as you are. Even with an extra 20 pounds of love on you, in a job you hate, strapped with credit card debt and too much month at the end of the money. Yes, you can right here, right now. As I type this, it feels like a much needed love letter to myself. I’ve stood in all of those shoes and felt so disappointed while the waves of shame have crashed over me. Walking through those seasons, I’ve learned shame and blame keep us stuck. Love and action move us forward, every single time and it all starts with what we tell ourselves first.
Self-belief is rarely built in big, dramatic moments.
It’s built in repetition — in the way we speak to ourselves when no one else is listening.
What If We Applied the You Can Theory to Our Lives?
What if we carried those two words beyond the softball field?
Into our work.
Our parenting.
Our marriages.
Even into seasons of anxiety, burnout, or depression — not as a demand to “fix” everything overnight, but as a gentle invitation toward hope.
Research shows that supportive language activates areas of the brain connected to motivation and problem-solving, while reducing the stress response that can shut performance down. When we feel seen and believed in, our nervous system settles just enough to try again.
So maybe those two words aren’t small at all.
Maybe they are a reset — a reminder that growth is still possible.
Not you should.
Not you must.
Just:
You can.
Maybe growth doesn’t always start with a perfect plan.
Maybe it starts with someone interrupting the narrative of doubt long enough for courage to sneak in.
And maybe — just maybe — we become that voice for ourselves and for others.
A Moment to Reflect
Who in your life might need to hear you can right now?
You daughter learning something new.
A friend carrying more than they show.
A colleague quietly wondering if they’re capable of the next step.
And maybe just as important:
Where in your own life have you been waiting for permission?
You don’t need a perfect plan.
You don’t need certainty.
Just notice where those two words might create a little more courage today.
You don’t have to feel fearless to begin.
You don’t have to be certain to move.
Sometimes belief is spoken before it’s owned.
Sometimes courage is borrowed before it’s built.
Say it anyway.
Step forward anyway.
Because strength doesn’t wait for perfect timing — it grows the moment you decide to trust what’s possible.
Even if no one else has told you, there is NO DOUBT in my mind that:
You can.
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With Love, Jen
Seeking Roses — finding strength, hope, and beauty in the everyday.
