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There is a beautiful practice in Japan known as Kintsugi.  The literal translation is “golden joinery.”  It is also known as Kintsukuroi, which translates to “golden repair.”  It is the Japanese tradition of repairing broken pottery with liquid gold or lacquer that is mixed with gold, silver, or platinum.  The result is the breaks in the pottery are illuminated, rather than hidden, the gold becomes the focal point.  The subsequent pottery is a new piece of art instead of something to be discarded.  The irony is that the breaks are now what make the piece even more special and beautiful as they are highlighted with the precious metal.  

Looking through pictures of this practice is breathtaking.  The fractures and curves of the breaks create new designs that on first glance appear to be intentional.  From spider webs to singular rivers, the gold draws the eye in.  An otherwise average bowl is transformed because of the damage it has faced and the result is an unreplicable piece of art.

From pottery to people, we can draw so many similarities.  The cracks, breaks, fractures and fissures. The damage, both seen and unseen.  The philosophy of Kintsugi is to treat the breakage and repair as part of the object’s history, rather than something to disguise. In this art form, brokenness is celebrated and treasured as that is what makes the otherwise ordinary extraordinary.  

That hit me hard.

My problems, past mistakes, cracks, and brokenness don’t make me feel extraordinary.  Quite the opposite, sometimes they feel like sandbags around my ankles that I can’t cut loose.  Or the giant elephant in the room that I hope no one will see.  These broken places feel more like reminders of mistakes than banners of beauty.  

Cyndie Spiegel has a passage in her book, “A Year of Positive Thinking,” that sums up this concept beautifully.  She says:

“Kintsukuroi embraces flaws and imperfection, but it also teaches the essence of resilience.  Every crack in a ceramic piece is a part of its history, and each piece becomes more beautiful because it has been broken.”

…more beautiful BECAUSE it has been broken.

Let that sink in.

We are more beautiful because of our brokenness.

Isn’t that a radical idea?! Everywhere we look there are messages of what a beautiful person with a put-together life looks like. Go to the dermatologist for a skincare check, there is a Botox ad staring back at you. From TV to movies, to Ozempic and hair dye, there are a thousand reminders of all the ways we need to change and “improve” our exterior. And then comes all the ways we try to hide the hurts inside. At 42 years old there are still the “cool” moms that seem to have it all together, the extra healthy lunches that their kids actually eat (one of my kids is going on a 10-day streak of Uncrustable peanut butter and jelly sandwiches), floors that you actually could eat off of and laundry that lives in closets rather than in baskets out in the living room. Oh man, that was a rant…thank you for letting me go there.

I do want to mention one more place where brokenness seems to weave through our lives and that is in our hearts. The people we have lost, the betrayals we have felt, the bad choices we made, the words we knew we shouldn’t say, and the words that cut through us all exist inside us.

The human experience is not without trials.  Hardships and heartbreaks are seasons we all endure.  Sometimes those seasons last so long we forget what it was like to feel safe. Uncertainty also creates breaks and just like the piece of pottery will never be the same, we won’t be the same either. 

So what do we do?

I think the art of Kintsugi is the answer.

Our lives were never going to be perfect, unbroken pottery. We are fragile, our hearts are fragile and the world is not always a kind place.

But there is so much hope.

The hope is in the healing. The fact is, we are not the mistake, the hurt, the habit, the choice, or the broken parts. We are the pottery. And each break is a lesson in resilience that we are so much stronger, wiser, and kinder than maybe we ever thought possible. We can overcome the worst because we already have the best inside of us. Our challenges shape us but we have to be careful not to let them define us.

My Dad would say the best lessons are the ones we learn the first time.  When the mistakes we make become our teachers and hopefully allow us to make better choices next time.  When we take what we have learned and make something good come from it.  When the hardest mountains we face become where we find a resilience we didn’t know we had.  

One thing I have learned from my own life is that I am far more capable than I ever would have imagined.  To be placed in situations that require strength even when it is so difficult.  It isn’t perfect or a straight line.  Of course, there are hurdles along the way.  Losing my Dad two years ago is a reminder that grief is unexpected and unpredictable.  And as much as there are days I still want to cave into the sadness, I have to ask God for the strength to make my legs walk so I can take my kids to school and go to work.  To show up even when my heart hurts.  The beautiful thing is usually on those days I will get a sweet card from one of my students, or a co-worker will stop by my classroom for a chat or my kids will tell me a funny story, or my husband will surprise me by unloading the dishwasher before I get home. Love you, Babe! 

And sometimes I just need to cry in my car and let Gabby Barrett sing to me.

Life is complicated.  Feelings are messy and intertwined.  And ultimately we are all broken.  But I believe God has a plan and purpose for each of our lives.  If I didn’t believe that it would take a lot more than Gabby Barrett to pick me up.

I will say it is because of past experiences that I am able to draw on and trust that God has a greater plan than I do. It allows me the freedom to not rely on myself. And let me tell you, me at 20 would not believe I am writing this. 20-year-old me was so angry at God. So angry that the brokenness in my life was allowed and I could not stop it. 20-year-old me was ready to walk away from religion all together. I wasn’t in a place to hear it. I was too broken to even begin to understand how broken I truly was.

But God sent a life raft. His name was Justin and he changed the whole course of the last 20 years. Instead of telling me, he showed me what it meant to be loved. He truly has been the hands and feet of Jesus when I needed saving the most. Marrying him was the best decision of my life.

I can see how God was using the pain and hurt to set me on a new path, one that gave me three beautiful girls and a life I never would have imagined. We don’t know how our brokenness will shape us. How the gold will move and twist when our pottery is put back together. But I believe without a doubt that all the brokenness can somehow be used for something good.

Maybe you too are struggling with those broken parts. The hurts. You’re holding onto regrets, mistakes, unkind words, and actions, or the deep pain from loss and heartbreak. I’ll tell you one very practical thing that has helped me the most. A deep breath and then somehow releasing the hurt out on the exhale and deciding that I don’t need to carry it all anymore.  When I lost my Dad I had to do it 100 times a day. I had to fill my house with flowers so I could have some beauty around me. I had to come to the understanding that loving my Dad and holding onto the pain were not synonymous. I could still love and miss him and slowly one piece at a time, start letting go of the agonizing grief. Now two years later, the hurt is still there but I guess I have started to learn how to carry it. Sometimes I need to talk it out, sometimes I need to listen to music and sometimes I just need to cry and let the tears go.

My Mom has a beautiful reminder that she shares with me often, especially when I’m having a tough day. For context, she lost her Dad at age 16 year old. She says everything is a gift that is not guaranteed and life is meant to be lived not just endured. It is our job to find one bit of joy every day. Some days it will be big and loud, and some days it will be quiet and small, but if we look we will always find it.

Thank you for joining me today my dear friends.

Blessings and Big Hugs!