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How To Use Fear, Faith & Creativity To Find It

It was a chaotic morning.  It felt like a balancing act of trying to get breakfast and lunches made, homework in backpacks, and socks on my little one.  My oldest daughter had a high school softball game after school and I was going down the mental checklist of all the extra things we needed to remember because we were going straight from my work & my younger kids’ school to the game. 

Not to mention the dishwasher needed unloading, the laundry mountain was threatening to take over the living room (at least it was clean!) and I still needed to make a shopping list.  Even the guinea pig was chirping for some attention.  

I’m sure the same happens in your house.  Everyone needs something in order to function for the day and we are doing our best to whack all the moles back into their places.

What I noticed in my own body was the anxiety rising up. The pile of papers on the counter became more and more irritating and I started to fixate on all the undone chaos around me.  How in the world was I going to accomplish everything before I went to work later that afternoon?  My to-do list was running through my head, further fueling my restlessness as the clock was literally ticking and reminding us we needed to get out the door.  

After dropping the kids off, my shoulders still felt like they were up by my ears.  On Fridays I typically work from home.  It is a blessing to be able to do so.  I know so many friends who don’t have that luxury.  But here is the super messed up part, I pile on the pressure!  In those few short hours I expect to clean and organize my whole house, meal plan, run errands, tackle the laundry (basically do all the things that were neglected all week!) oh and of course get work done. 

It’s insane! 

My expectations far outweigh my time.  I usually run ragged and the frustration starts to bubble up to the surface.  As I pulled out of the school parking lot, I began to realize that my anxiety had been driving the bus all morning.  My attitude was definitely not reflecting my best self.  Did it help me get more done?  Cross more things off the list? Probably not.  Did my kids and husband feel warm fuzzies from me as they headed off into the world? I’m sure that’s a no.

As God so often does, he shows up in the most unexpected ways.  I was checking my GPS to see how long my drive home would be, there is always traffic in the morning, and it said it would be 28 mins (for context, we got to school in 15 minutes!) 

Rather than listening to Rascal Flatts for another half hour, I decided to put on a podcast and Mel Robbins popped up.  The title was, “How to Find Your Purpose & Design the Life You Want,” and she was interviewing Martha Beck.  Up until then, I had not heard of Ms. Beck, but after listening to her for an hour, I felt like I had made a new friend. 

What was so beautiful about her approach to life is that it is guided by joy and gentleness.  Her story is incredible.  She has endured abuse and trauma.  She has faced depression, heartache and heartbreak.  And yet her life is a testament to how pain, hurt, and anxiety can lead to freedom and peace.  

The podcast felt like a love letter.  

One of the most powerful things she said is that it is not about what we think, instead it is all about how we feel.  When something brings us peace then we are one step closer to our purpose.  Our purpose is not all the things the world tells us, it is the joy we feel.

She said in her teaching, the one feeling that comes up most is the struggle of inadequacy: 

I am not good enough.

Ms. Beck goes on to say, now go to a hospital to the floor where all the babies are born.  Walk through those halls, see each of those precious little humans, their tiny hands and feet with the wonderful baby smell. Ok, I added the baby smell! It’s my favorite!

Can you tell me which baby isn’t good enough?

We are all born good enough. Not one of us has to earn the status.  Once upon a time we were each one of those tiny babies, precious and all.  And guess what, we still are.  But life happens to us.  We are made fun of, excluded, hurt, abused, ridiculed, ignored, etc.  The brokenness of the world starts to break us.  

At 16 years old, my eating disorder started to appear.  As a response to controlling what I could control in a world that felt out of control.  My father had a temper and growing up in that house, especially in my teenage years, was so hard.  As a parent now, I can understand his frustrations, but I can’t excuse his behavior.  Now at 42, I can look back and hold my younger self in my arms and say you will be ok.  You can rest.  You can exhale.  You will grow up and be OK, even if your house is messy and your kid forgets their socks.  

Ms. Beck reminded me today that my anxiety is telling me something.  It is fear wearing a mask and it is trying to get my attention.  And the biggest lesson of all when it comes to anxiety is that anxiety is always wrong 100% of the time.  In no scenario is anxiety right.  

Anxiety is always wrong, all the time.  

Instead anxiety is a tool to unravel the feelings going on inside.  By asking the question, how does this make me feel we can get to the root cause.  For me this morning, the messy house, undone tasks, and big expectations for work were all masking the emotion of fear.  Fear of not being a good mom, because good moms have a clean house and happy kids who eat healthy food (insert another night of take out dinners). Fear of not being successful, because successful people make things happen and here I am still dipping a toe into the blogging world and trying to juggle teaching music.  Fear of not being a good wife because we have been so busy that we have barely seen each other.  And my ultimate fear of trying, failing and then running out of time to pursue and create the glowing “successful” life in my head.

Ms. Beck explained that fear and anxiety trap us.  She asked on the podcast, where do you feel it in your body?  Mine is definitely a tightness in my jaw and my shoulders creeping up to my ears.  The tension distracts me and keeps circling me back to the wildness in my mind.

So, what is the solution?  If anxiety is our body’s way of trying to tell us something, what do we do with the emotions that swirl around our heads like a tornado.

I love her answer. 

She said the opposite of anxiety is to create.

Why create? Because it brings calm.  It fosters peace inside.  It reminds us that we are not powerless.  By creating something we are actually switching gears and redirecting those emotions away from the pain and towards the inner peace we all crave.

Ms. Beck gave the example of close your eyes and picture yourself 10 years from now.  What does your house look like? What do you see out the window? What pictures are on the wall? What do you hear/smell? Now how do you feel?

By doing this activity, your mind is creating your future.  You are seeing all the possibilities and allowing your heart to start to dream.  Dreaming is incredibly powerful because it creates hope.  When we have hope we start to believe that those dreams are possible and that is where the peace lies.  

Peace doesn’t come from lack of adversity.  Everyone faces challenges, from the annoying to the catastrophic.  But our peace comes from being anchored in the truth about ourselves, being good enough as we are, and having a hope for the future.  And the bridge of creativity allows us to move out of our anxious skin (sometimes it looks like a leap and sometimes a very slow crawl) to find the hope and peace we all desperately desire.  

The spark for me came when Ms. Beck said creativity is the ultimate solution.  It is the single most effective way to beat anxiety and bring a sense of calm to my body.  The next time I felt anxiety start to rise up, I sat down at the piano and played a few of my favorite songs.  I sang with everything I had and after those 10 minutes or so, I felt so much better.  The chores were still there, the work still lingering, but somehow it didn’t seem as overwhelming as it had 10 minutes ago.  

Looking at my list, I decided to circle the three most important things for the day.  The doctor’s office I had to call back, the lesson planning I had to finish by the end of the day, and the re-enrollment packet for my kids school.  If I accomplished nothing else today, this would be it and that was good enough.

I also love to listen to Marie Forleo, she has a great book that talks about getting stuff done and living our best lives, and even in one of her podcasts she said her to-do list is never finished.  There is always something else and that each day she reprioritizes what needs to be done, what would be nice if it got done and the stuff that can slide for now (and maybe forever!)

It is the culmination of all your creativity, where you find your joy, that is your purpose.  You are creating and building your way to a beautiful life filled with meaning, one creative action at a time.  Creativity shows up in the meals we cook and share with others, drawing with your little one, volunteering at your kids school, the new business idea you are working on, or simply closing your eyes and picturing the perfect weekend.  

Our purpose is broad.  It is all encompassing.  It is not tied to our achievements or our bank account.  It is how we feel and the joy we can share with others.  If purpose is about a feeling rather than a particular accomplishment, I think it shatters the expectation of what purpose can look like.

Here is another thought, your purpose looks different throughout your life.  And your purpose is layered.  There is work, keeping babies alive, happy and healthy, there’s the marriage purpose, and friends.  There’s volunteering and family.  And then there’s the smile to a stranger when you cross paths on a hike, a compliment to the cashier you see every week at Trader Joe’s, being kind on the phone even when customer service feels less than.  Putting in time and effort at work.  Dreaming and testing out a new business plan, even if it fails.  It all matters.  What if we chose to redefine purpose all together and called it, what brings your heart joy and how do we share that beautiful joy with everyone around us.

God said it pretty simply, love me and love each other.  Do that and that is everything.  

I love the phrase how you do one thing is how you do everything.  If you show up as your best self in all things, you are reframing your purpose.  How we treat others, approach tasks and spend our time starts to shift as we live into our purpose.  For me, when I am present in those moment: that is when I find the most joy.

Even all this being said, there was still a little tug of reluctance in sitting down to write today. It was hard at first.  There are so many other things that will be neglected because I am choosing this.  Trying to sneak in writing when everyone else is at school and in between teaching for me (I teach Preschool-8th grade music at a local school as well as private music lessons after school) can feel really tricky.  

But taking Ms. Beck’s advice today and creating something is exactly what I needed to do.  Writing helps me make sense of all the ideas playing ping pong in my brain.  It is truly a privilege and such a joy to share what I am learning with you.  

Thank you for joining me today.  I am so grateful for you and that you chose to spend your precious time with me.

Love & Blessings!